Staying grounded in 2014

Instead of an update, for now I've decided to take it way back to 2011 when the wisdom of my then four year old provided the strength and motivation to follow my dreams.  It's easy to forget how far you've come when everything is going right.  I stumbled across an old "note" I wrote a few years back, and the only word I can think to describe how I'm feeling is humbled.  Even naptime can be a profound experience:  A Single Mom's Naptime Story 2011.

SHORT HAIR, DON'T CARE! Tales of an offbeat bride...

Well, hello fellow life-remixers :)  Hope all is well on your side of the globe!  As for me, I've been enjoying the chilly, rainy weather here in Germany.  Makes for the perfect wedding planning weather -- snuggled up under Ryan's Big Bang Theory blanket that I gifted him and then stole for my deployment, sipping on herbal tea, exchanging ideas with my craftiest bff ever.

 

One thing I've found kind of iffy are the countless wedding checklists and unsolicited advice out there.  I'm not saying it hasn't been helpful; my eyes have definitely been opened to how much time, effort, and money (holy moly, A LOT of freakin' money) the average brides put into their special day.  While I'm thankful to have found some practical tips and creative aesthetics, I'm finding myself marking "N/A" (the nice way of saying "eff that!!!!") next to some of the items on the checklists instead of a check mark.

One of my absolute FAVORITE (insert sarcasm) pieces of advice was somewhere around the 6 month mark, it said something like this, "This is the time you should be thinking about what hairstyle you will wear on your big day!  If you have short hair, GROW IT OUT!  You'll be happy you did!"  Hmmm...  

Or I can get these! 

Not that I don't think about it...  I often go through phases where I think I'll be able to do more things with long hair or would make me more, dare I say, feminine.  I'd say every other year I grow it out, only to end up chopping it again into a variety of kick ass hair cuts (yes, that was self-proclaimed kick assness).  In my defense, inquiring women contribute to my chopping addiction lol, flattering me with questions like, where I get my hair cut, how did I explain it to the stylist, what products I use, etc.  More often than not they follow with, "I've always wanted to do it, but I'm scared!"  Encouraging complete strangers to face their fear (even if it IS just hair) is just as empowering as consistently going under the shears.

Sooo many styles to try!  I've been experimenting more with my natural curls lately.  I usually straighten it, which isn't good for your hair, but I'm really digging the natural look.

This was last year, I think.  Picture this, but with the A-symm haircut I have right now. 

  
In my 32 years on Earth, I've had short hair more than I've had long hair, so I see no reason to be a different person on my wedding day.  And really, for you other brides out there, it's less about hair and more about just doing what will make you and your fiance happy.  Some very special friends have taught me that these past few weeks (thank you guys)!  Your wedding will be the most beautiful day of your life whether there's 300 guests or 30, if you have a ginormous cake or a cup cake tower, the best DJ or an Ipod on shuffle lol, oh and of course long hair or short hair.  Be the person your fiance asked to marry.  Be yourself!  

Not how my fiance proposed, but I would have swooned just as much if he did haha!

How I was supposed to propose... but didnt!

A lot of people ask me how Ryan proposed.  It's a story I will never grow tired of telling, but what many don't know is that if I had gone through my original plan, Ryan would be the one telling the story about the day that I, yes I, proposed to him.

I can name a million times throughout our relationship when I knew he was the one, but I was never ready, always feeling like there were so many other things I had yet to accomplish.  While Ryan had been successful in his career on top of recently graduating with his Master's degree, I always felt like I needed to catch up.  Not that he ever made me feel that way, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve that nagging "list" of things while proving that I could be an independent single mom. While I thought I was being a good girlfriend by not asking for things or relying too much on him, I was also bottling up a lot of affection, vulnerability, and... love.  I think it's called "pride".

During the first year it seemed he was always apologizing about something.  Sorry you have been hurt in the past.  Sorry you're frustrated with school.  Sorry you don't get enough sleep.  Sorry you and Kahlil are alone in your apartment while there is a huge thunderstorm.  

Year 1

Looking back I realize that every apology wasn't "because" he ever did anything wrong but "just because" he sincerely wanted to make things easier for me and make me smile.  His gratuitous apologies were never without a kind gesture, whether big or small.  Flowers.  A massage.  A home cooked meal. Doing my dishes (sometimes a week's worth).  Watching Kahlil while I studied.  Fixing my car.  And even driving an hour in the middle of the night to sleep next to me for 3 hours before driving another hour to work.

Year 2

After I had completed my Psych Tech course and got a descent job, we moved in together.  Pretty big step, but in the back of my mind I was still thinking of that dreaded list, as if there was a way to somehow match his contributions to our relationship.  Then out of nowhere I got orders to deploy, which needless to say shook up our world.  I won't go into detail about how stressful deployment is, but as always, Ryan stepped up to the plate.  

Year 3

While all my friends and family would ask when we were ever going to get hitched, I don't know why it took deploying to truly know that I was ready.  Maybe because even thousands of miles apart, Ryan is able to ease my worries by basically taking on the single dad role, always treating Kahlil like his own.  Maybe because I finally see that I have accomplished a lot and that Ryan recognizes it and appreciates me.  Or maybe simply because it literally hurts to be apart.

Year 4

So... A month into my deployment I decided I'd propose when he came to visit me.  Instead of a ring, I bought him a compass to symbolize the places we have been, and the direction we are headed.  How to do it?  A flashmob in Germany?  A scavenger hunt in France?  All my friends were prepared to help me.  I finally decided to take him on a picnic at Heidelburg Palace, but instead I had an anxiety attack and picked a fight instead (how romantic)!  

 For the next week or so, the Tiffany's box sat in my purse, fraying the ends of the bow.  I finally gave it to him in Prague on his birthday... but still couldn't get the words out.  What the heck?!  I suck at proposing!!  Proposing is the hardest thing I've never done!!  It seriously kept me from having fun, I was a nervous wreck!!  I finally decided to just relax and enjoy the next few precious days together.  If it happened, cool.  If not, I'd ask when I returned from my deployment.  I could practically hear the locals making clucking chicken noises at me.

We're blessed to have fam & friends who root for us.  My dear friends, Maria & Jerel Francisco, helped get this to me in Germany when I thought Tiffany&Co didn't ship overseas.  Turns out I was on the wrong website, doh!! HAHA!!  Nevertheless, while marriage was once something I feared, I now look forward to it because of great examples like them. 

And then it happened.  On Ryan's second to the last night, he popped the question!  After telling me he had been wanting to marry me for the longest time, waiting for me to be ready, I burst into tears... and not even cute tears... sobbing, red-nosed, unable to even answer, tears all over his shirt.  Yup.  That's me.  Miss romantic.  Haha!!

August 2, 2013

So yea, that's the end of that story, but it's only the beginning of many chapters to come.  I'm sure I'll have a lot more graceless milestones to talk about, but one thing I know for sure is that God put Ryan in my life to show me that someone can love me even when I fall short.  It's not about being perfect.  It's about being perfect for each other.  In turn, I've learned how to give more of myself and not to hold back.  I know it sounds crazy, but I can't wait to get home to make him my priority.  Because I know everything else will fall into place as long as we have our love.   

To Everything (Turn, turn, turn)

This song has been in my head all morning.  

My dad used to sing it to us as kids.  Of course back then I didn't know the meaning of it's lyrics, and I'm sure the screaming girls didn't either.  Peter Seger, a folk singer, based it off Ecclesiastes 3 from the bible and was later remade by many artists including The Byrds, a 60s rock band.  I found myself reciting one of it's lines to a dear friend today, "There is a season for everything".

Just from the catchy chorus I always knew it meant that there is a time for everything, but after reading and rereading the entire verse, it made me realize how unknowing the human heart is.

Eccl. 3:11 reads, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

This got me stuck at first until I read that the Hebrew translation of eternity means to "hide or conceal".  I think hidden things of an everlasting nature have been put in all of our hearts so that we can't always understand why things happen the way they do, when they do, but at the right time we will.

With everything happening in the world, this isn't easy to understand.  I'm troubled, daily, but on a smaller scale, I am comforted.  

As Pete Seeger said in an interview with Alec Wilkinson, writer of The Protest Singer, "It's worth considering.  The world is filled with opposites intertangled.  Good and bad.  Nobody knows.  Only God knows.  The agricultural revolution took thousands of years, the industrial revolution took hundreds of years, and now the information revolution only took decades.  If we use the brains God gave us, who knows what miracles can happen in the next few years.

 

 





 

Major Mentor: great advice from my new mentor

Everyone should have a mentor who gives good advice, keeps you accountable, gets you thinking long term, helps you to realize the possibilities and your potential to achieve them, offers perspective and is a walking example of balance despite their personal challenges and craziness of the world around them.  

I've been lucky in my lifetime to have different kinds of mentors.  Spiritual mentors, other single moms, fellow service members, etc.  During my time here in Germany I have had the honor to meet who we will call Major Mentor -- a female enlisted Marine turned Air Force nurse officer, turned nurse practioner who is about to get her doctrate degree at the end of this year.  Dang!  When I first met Major Mentor, I was seriously intimidated by her lol.  Not because of her rank or the fact that she leads an all male crew on missions down range, saving hundreds of injured patients' lives, but because of her loud, no BS type of personality. I've come to have the highest respect for her rather than fear.

The first time I had an actual conversation with her I learned that she has a soft spot for Filipinos lol.  It was mentioned that I get mistaken for all types of Asian.  Her response was hilarious, said in her straight New Yorkan accent, "Oh no honey, yaw definitely Fil-ah-pino!  Not fah nothin, but yaw Fil-ah-pino!  Let my tell you why I know...!"

She goes on to tell a great story about how she was lucky enough to be stationed in the Philippines once upon a time and loved it.  She cracked me up especially when she said, "Fil-ah-pino food is slammin!"

She proceeded to tell me how she went from being a Marine (a Marine!!) to an Air Force nurse.  It turned out she deployed with a group of nurses who were, in fact, Filipino lol, "Of cawse they wah Fil-ah-pino, ALL Fil-ah-pinos ah narses!"  She had me cracking up because, let's be honest, there are a lot!

Here's where the mentorship began... 

Major Mentor:  So!  When ah you goin ta join the dawk side?

Me:  LOL, you mean be a nurse?  I dunno.  I've always thought about it, but it's too hard!  So many prereqs.  I'm too old.  I have a kid.  I have a full time job etc, etc, etc (basically every excuse under the sun).

The Betty H. Carter Women Veterans Historical Project

library.uncg.edu

Today Major Mentor approached me and asked me to drive her out to the flight line, during which she asked me, once again, when I would be joining the "dahk side" lol.  What's normally a five minute drive turned into an hour (maybe more) of us in the vehicle where she not only gave me advice on becoming a nurse but also how to be a loving wife and stellar airman. 

On being married:

• Always tell your husband you appreciate what he does.  Don't just say, "thank you", that's not enough, you say that all the time to everyone!  Be specific and say you appreciate him and what he does every day.  
• You gotta like your husband.  It's not enough to just love him.  You gotta actually like being around him, 24/7.  There's a huge difference between like and love.
• When you get home, hang your military hat up and make sure you put your other hats on (wife hat, mommy hat, etc)  
• Before I get home from a drill weekend, I always pick up dinner.  When I get home I drop everything and make sure I eat with my husband and kids no matter how exhausted I am
• When I get home from a long deployment, I cry when I'm 20 minutes from home because I am so happy I am about to see my husband of 26 years (that's not really advice, but it completely touched my heart and made me cry to see such a strong woman feel so deeply emotional about the man she loves).

On becoming a nurse:

• It's the most rewarding job you can have, and you will always have a job.
• Don't tell me it's too hard, or because you have a kid, or whatever BS reason you have for not becoming one.  The only person that will keep you from succeeding in life is yourself.  
• Be aware of culture sensitivity
• A psych tech is a great career, but don't stop there.  Who knows, maybe you can be a psych nurse.  Either way you would make a great one.

On being an airman:

• Don't be a "run away".  Don't be one of those airmen who run away from their problems and make excuses to booze it up.  Take care of your problems.  
• Nothing is permanent.  You are exactly where you are supposed to be
• (Points at my stripes) Were those given to you?  Or did you earn them?  You earned them!  So wear your uniform with pride.  When you're in uniform act as if that is all you're about.  
• Display yourself as the respectful airman that you are and respect others.  You don't have to be people's best friend, or they don't have to even like you, but respect the rank.
• Don't piss people of because you WILL see them again.  It is a small Air Force (LOL!)

On being you:

• Who cares what other people say and think.  Are they feeding you?  Are they putting a roof over your heard?  No.  
• Take care of yourself over anybody else.  You can't love your son or your husband the right way if you don't take care of yourself first
•  You can always tell something's not right in someone's personal life by they way they conduct themselves.  Be happy.  
• Don't stop going to school.  You WILL be an officer someday.

I truly hope to stay in touch with Major Mentor.  Whether I decide to follow her path, I know in my heart that it's achievable.  I have a loving and encouraging fiance who seriously wouldn't care one way or another if I pursued interior design, medical, military, or even a stay at home mom, supportive parents who've shown me love even after all my mistakes, and my son who is reason enough to continue to push myself and improve.  Just like Major Mentor, it's better to be an example than tell your kid how to live.  

Image by Lani Pagmanua

You are exactly where you are supposed to be

We spend a great deal of time wishing we were any place than where we are.  Someplace in the future.  Some place in the past.  The perfect world where we have the perfect career, the perfect parents, the perfect bank account.  The problem with this kind of thinking is that it keeps us from appreciating the present, from lessons we're meant to learn, and from seeing our true purpose in life.

It's obvious from my recent posts that I've been missing my fiance and son and have been wanting to go home.  Several of us have been very homesick lately, which is natural.  People tend to lose the initial adrenaline, but fortunately for me, several things happened this week that reminded me that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

1.  On Thursday I met this gentleman:

Sgt. Maj. Bryan B. Battaglia, Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Chairman, Joint Chief of Staff

As the highest non-commissioned officer in the U.S. Armed Forces (that means he's the highest ranking NCO in the ENTIRE U.S. military!!  Holy smokes, look at those ribbons!!) his role is to advise the Chairman and Secretary of Defense.  It's hard to believe that I shook hands and talked shop with him along with other select junior enlisted.  He was extremely down to Earth, made jokes, and was very easy to talk to.  Everyone did an amazing job presenting their area of expertise.  I'm honored to be a part of this team.

My fellow loggie, SSgt Joel Valentine, and I were the last to present the overall aspects and daily tasks of what we do as deployed logisticians in an aerovac squadron.  When I think back to what was said -- the astronomical dollar amount that we are responsible for, the medical support that we provide, the management of supplies, equipment, and medications that we ensure are readily available -- I realize now that I've completely undervalued my job.  

Sgt Maj Battaglia's reaction totally caught me off guard.  Even after hearing the other presentations about patient care, emergency procedures in flight, all of the action down range, he couldn't believe that two humble junior enlisted folks were responsible for managing what's easily perceived as nothing more than a dirty warehouse.  He turned to the others and asked them them if they were as appreciative of us as he was sure we are of them.  An amazing, amazing moment of a life time that I will never forget.

2.  I'm still choked up about what happened today.  I was alerted in the morning that the crews needed a specific piece of equipment for a NICU team flying back to the states.  We had it, but unfortunately it was due for maintenance.  I had to get creative, made several calls until I found one for lone from another unit.  Within 20 minutes I was out on the flight line to deliver the equipment, and that's when I saw four medical buses filled with patients waiting to be loaded onto the aircraft that would soon fly to Andrews AFB where they can receive the critical care that they need.  

Image from usatoday.com

I have always heard stories.  As a loggie I don't work with patients, which is why today was another amazing day I will never forget.  As I ran up to the aircraft, individuals were being carried on liters, attached to various pieces of equipment... equipment that the loggies manage.  My heart sank, I felt out of breath, and my eyes watered.  I couldn't cut in line, so I waited as an entire bus was unloaded.  I was in complete awe of the commands being given, the stellar team work, and most of all the positive attitudes of the patients despite their condition.  One patient, I was able to read his lips through all the noise of the craft and wind... He said 'thank you' to one of the airman carrying his liter...  

Image from afscent.af.mil

I could've cried my eyes out, right then and there, but one of the Majors snapped me out of it and told me I had forgotten one of the pieces to secure the equipment.  And I sure did too.  I drove back to the unit, came back in 3 minutes flat, and watched another load until I was able to walk onto the plane with my most special delivery.

3.  The day couldn't have gotten any better until...  Bedbugs.  Yes, bedbugs.  My neighbor reported having them in her bed, which meant an entire section of our building had to be sprayed and evacuated, and of course, my room was in that section.  I was instructed to move all of my things tonight to a different building far away from all of aerovac personnel.  I was upset for a quick second, but after a day like today and yesterday I decided not to make a big deal about it and that things can always be worse.  Well, it most definitely wasn't worse.  I was given a fantastic room.  That's all I will say about that lol.  

I feel silly for ever feeling sorry for myself out here.  Again and again, I've been given the most outrageous opportunities.  I've traveled through nearly 10 countries.  I've eaten escargot cooked three different ways and schnitzel 500 different ways.  I've hiked up to a castle.  I've lit candles and prayed in the most historic and beautiful cathedrals. I've looked Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo in the eyes. I've seen the Eiffel tower in the morning, noon, and night.  I've ridden a river boat in Amsterdam and in Prague.  I've walked the same spring water piped streets that Queen Latifah walked on.  I was engaged on a bridge of love in Paris.  I have amazing friends who I would literally lay my life for.  Through technology I can check on my son and find out he is loving first grade so far.  I've met the Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Chairman, JCS. I work with heroes.  And to think, I have only six weeks left to enjoy these opportunities.  When I get home, I'm sure I'll find myself wishing I was in any of these said places.

I say I'm blessed all the time, but often times I don't act like it.  I tell myself to give praise even when times are hard.  We should ESPECIALLY when times are hard.  Because I'm learning that it's not the happy ones who are thankful; it's the thankful ones who are happy.  In any situation.  Exactly where they are.

There's always something to learn from Rick Warren

"Growth is nurtured by humility and strangled by pride. I can't learn from others until I admit what I don't know."