"Being a mother means always having your heart broken". I remember reading that when I was pregnant and didn't quite understand it. To me being heart broken always translated to being unhappy about something or someone. When I first heard my son's heart beat, felt him kick, or actually saw the shape of his foot pushing against my tummy, I still didn't get it. It all brought me so much joy. Why would my heart be broken, and why always?
It wasn't until I saw his thick curly hair, heard his first cry, felt his warm, smooth skin, and his tiny hand grasping my finger.. that I finally understood.
Being heart broken for your child simply means you love them so much it literally hurts. It means that you're always on the verge of crying because you either want the best for them so much that it frustrates you, or because you're just so darn proud of them.
I totally get it, especially right now while my son and I apart. It seriously pains me, and not just for the obvious reason of missing him, but for all the ways I fear I fail to appreciate all that he is and does, or times I was too hard on him or not hard enough, or how I haven't involved him in enough activities like karate or dance or soccer or swimming or violin or whatever like I maybe probably should be...
These are the things that cross my mind, and I know it's the devil messing with me because he knows there's no one I love more than that kid, and even I know none of those things or me being with him 24/7 would create a perfect child.
As much as my heart swells to think so hard about it, I am eager to be the best mom I can be when I return from this deployment. I think every parent should actively think about this stuff. Call me emo, but I think it's when I'm crying tears of joy AND tears of pain that I set the best goals for myself and have the proper determination to see them through.
I read an article recently by Jody Wright from Renaissance Universal about treating your kids as equals. It made me realize how immature we can be with our children. I chuckled and teared up at the same time thinking about how blessed I am to have a son who has always been mature for his age, always so conscientious and understanding of adult matters especially right now during my deployment. Many parents don't believe in treating their children like equals, like the article suggests, but I certainly think kids deserve a level of mature exchanges.
It actually gave me comfort in knowing that I can consciously make better decisions and lovingly interact with my son by broadening my views. My favorite line, "They (children) are spiritual beings,
perhaps closer to a knowledge of God, having just been born from her, than
we are. From this point of view, we become gardeners for living things, rather
than potters of old clay." Word.
This is my take on Wright's advice on reducing "adultism". These are my promises as a mother:
- Give eye contact and complete attention. I know, I know moms are busy, but I'd give anything right now to be swamped with something important, and then just drop it and play with my son.
- Watch what I say and how I say it. I mean really, how do our words compare when we talk to adults that we're frustrated with?
- Change the environment rather than yell or criticize. Do I have to yell for something that will probably only occur once?
- Don't discipline in front of people. This is one that I hate myself for because, in truth, I never spank my son. I rarely even yell. All it takes is to have a little chat or give him "the eye", and he behaves. But when we're in front of friends or family I find myself feeling like I have to be harsh or seemingly in control. I've raised a gentle soul. There's no need for all that. Sharing my feelings and concerns in a private intimate setting has always worked for us.
- Appreciate growth and the strength it takes for them to do it. Listen to their words, body language, and expressions. Just love them, and your heart and theirs will open up.
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| We'll always be the Dynamic Duo |
